Here is my pitch for the Amazon Novel contest in February. Anyone stopping by, please critique.
As Andria Marcellus continues to grow into her new life as a vampire, a beautiful disruption enters her world in the form of a human boy named Evan Wilcox, but he’s not just any human boy. His aura carries a strange scent that crawls up Andria’s nose, leaves her curious, and also warns her to stay away. When she does an experiment and figures out that the scent was left by a vampire feeding from this curious human, she begins to wonder who is feeding from him and why. As she draws closer despite the warning, she discovers that they have The Fire and she won’t fight it because she wants to keep him.
When her friends find out that she is dating a human, Andria finds herself in a world of trouble, trouble she is scared will end in death. Struggling to keep Evan close to her without revealing her true self, she realizes that he might care for her just as much as she cares for him. But suddenly, his parents are murdered and the culprit is a vampire. Not long after their deaths, Andria’s dad, who left her and her mom when she was little, returns to her life, but not without changing her life completely and for the better. Not long after, a completely new array of problems begins to surface. Some are minimal and easy to over look, but others are deadly and call for self-sacrifice, especially from Evan.
UNDER THE FULL MOON will appeal to young adult vampire enthusiasts, those intrigued with death and danger, and those who prefer to live in suspense.
Are you intrigued? I hope so because I have to beat out lots of people to make it past this stage of the competition.
So I've been working on my Dead Girl story for most of the day and now I have a working title: The Great Funnel ... my story incorporates pieces of Dante's Inferno and it has been referred to as a great funnel spiraling through the core of the earth. I thought it fit pretty well, but it can always be changed. I have tons of new plot ideas and I love them all.
My MC, Matthew, is a "reincarnated" demon keeper from Hell and he is now a 16-year-old boy. So this dead girl, Hannah, shows up in his room after he told her earlier that day that she's going to die. So pretty much, the demons Matthew used to keep are on the lose (one killed Hannah) and he is being summoned back to his former post in Hell to round them back into their dominion.
Yes or no? I say yes, but then again it was my idea.
Feedback please!
Hey.. I should start the whole pitching thing too.
ReplyDeleteBut one thing, the first sentance is a little long. I don't know how to make it shorter without starting a sentance with But though, so oh well. Just a thought. Also, I don't really get what you mean by "The Fire". But that could just be me :P.
Really, really cool/good/interesting/intruiging though. Explains it well too. Another thought is that maybe you could leave Andria's dad out of it, so not everything is given away..
But hey, I'm 13 - not the absolute best critiquer really. From my point of veiw, I'd definately like it and vote for it though :D.